Jun

30

What Happens Here Stays Here

June 30, 2008 | Leave a Comment

I had an experience a while back that’s been chewing at me. It deals with confidentiality, which as you know is a huge issue in small groups. When I’m leading a group, I always have members sign a group covenant that includes a confidentiality clause and then I remind them periodically of the importance of not sharing someone else’s stuff.

The way I explain confidentiality is, “What happens here or is said here, stays here. The speaker is the owner of the information, and none of us has the right to talk about their issues or needs in any form. Not even as a prayer request to someone outside of the group.” That usually makes sense.

However, I experienced a new nuance recently. I was in an open group setting that is not a small group per se. The regular attendees have become close and very open with one another. I was new and still feeling my way. During a time when participants were encouraged to pray for one another, I shared with a friend, asking for prayer for a sensitive need. Before we had a chance to pray, the leader called us back together. He asked if anyone needed prayer and my friend, without hesitation, shared my need. This hasn’t happened to me very often, so I was amazed at the shock to my psyche and spirit. I felt like I had been undressed publicly and I immediately lost my voice. I wasn’t able to protest. I was like the infamous “deer in headlights” and just sat there mutely as they dissected me.

Now you need to understand that in a closed group where trust has been built, I’m very open about needs and areas for growth. I easily lead the way to accountability and prayer. I also have my cadre of prayer partners with whom I’m more than open. But in the rest of life, I’m a real introvert and I don’t like it when someone takes the liberty to share my stuff, whether with one person or a roomful of people.

So what’s the lesson? Use good group skills whether you’re in an official small group or in any other group of people. I don’t know of anyone who wants their “stuff” shared publicly. Use common sense, and remember, just like in Las Vegas, “What happens here, stays here!”

This is particularly important for those of you who lead open groups. In an open group, there is usually a nucleus group that has grown close and developed a history with one another. You may feel a certain freedom with one another. But be especially cautious when newcomers attend the group. Don’t take the liberty of sharing their stuff openly. Let each person find their own level and share when and how they are able. And be sure that you don’t take any liberties with their stuff.

Jun

18

Small Groups – Program or Integral to Your Mission?

June 18, 2008 | 2 Comments

David Foster has a great post called “Why Small Groups as a Program is an Utter Failure.” He makes some great points and the discussion in the comments is fascinating. Foster points out something I see a lot as I work with churches.

It seems that small groups are often merely programs unattached to the mission of the church. Staff is assigned to manage and coordinate small groups, but when I ask why, it seems that the answer is something like, “Small groups are good.”

OK, but why? How are they contributing to the mission of the church? How are they integrated into what the ministry wants to accomplish? If your small groups are just an add on because you think you ought to have them, you’ll be disappointed.

Rather, think about your mission and where you want to be in five years. I ask pastors to describe their average church member now and in five years. (I know, there is no “average,” but it’s still a useful exercise). What do you want your average member to know? Do? Be? Where are they ministering and how do they react to challenges? Who do they interact with and what do they need to succeed with those people? Once you have a good idea of what your people need, where they need to grow, then you’ll know the role of small groups in your church.

Whatever you do, don’t just pattern your small groups after those you’ve read about. Design your groups to meet the unique needs of your congregation, ministry, and community. Then you’ll have groups that are truly effective.

Jun

18

Another Crazy Month!

June 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Seems like things haven’t changed since my last, long-ago post. We got home from Mom’s in time for me to attend my seminary class. I’m in an extension program, so my class met four times this past quarter, interspersed with all of my travels. Because of the travel, I was behind on reading and assignments, so worked pretty much full time on reading, final, and term paper. Much to my amazement, I finished on time. The next day we were back at Mom’s for some minor surgery, which ended up being a skin cancer. Just got home tonight. So, I’m going to make an effort to get back on track with this blog. Join in and let us know what your small groups are doing this summer.

May

28

A Crazy Month!

May 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment

My apologies for the silence lately. It’s been a CRAZY month, which has left little time for blogging—or much of anything else. At the end of April, we visited our son and DIL in southern CA to celebrate his 24th birthday and our 29th anniversary – same day. Poor planning, as my OB reminded me when I arrived in labor. But we love celebrating with him, so off we went. We also helped with the Biola Media Conference in early May. We started helping with that while he was a film student there, and have continued after his graduation, just because we like the people and the conference.

We were home a week, which seemed like mostly doing laundry, opening mail, and packing, and off we went for a week in Chicago and South Bend. The purpose of the trip was to attend the law school graduation of a young man who’s like family to us. We enjoyed a couple of days in Chicago before heading to Notre Dame. We loved Chicago, much to our surprise. It’s a beautiful and very clean city. However, it was cold in both locales and we froze the whole week.

Just before we left for Chicago, my mom fell and sprained her ankle badly. She’s 87, so that threw her out of commission. Fortunately, my brother was able to take a week’s vacation and care for her. He was able to set up all of the home care people, with just a little coaching. Handling medical issues is usually my job. I stayed in touch by phone a couple of times per day and things went fine. We got home on Wednesday evening and I had class on Saturday. All day…

I thought I’d need to leave Sunday to go to Mom’s, but Mike went back Thursday and stayed through the weekend. So we leave tomorrow for the rest of the week. Again, it seems like it’s been a week of laundry, opening mail, and packing.

So bear with me. I’ll be back soon. Meanwhile, feel free to comment or ask questions.

Apr

28

Is it Time to Give Up on Your Small Group?

April 28, 2008 | 1 Comment

Sam Neal has posted a great article called “When Is a Small Group ‘Just Another Meeting’?” on BuildingChurchLeaders.com. In it, he tells the story of Randy Frazee, who hand selected a model small group to lead, and then learned that the most exciting event of the evening was happening right next door in his neighborhood. He began to question whether his group was as important as he had thought.

Sam asks some excellent questions in this article and lists five ways to decide if it’s time to move on. Well worth reading.

However, I would also question the idea of a pastor hand picking a model group of the cool people. Why would he not model ministering to the more challenging people in the church? Why would he not minister to his neighbors by hosting a Tough Questions group? Something for all of us to think about…. Yes, we want to look good and have a relatively easy group to manage. But where might we serve the kingdom best? Your thoughts?

Apr

18

Vision, Vision, Vision — Part 5

April 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment

the Power of VisionYesterday we looked at a vision statement for a large urban church. Today we’ll consider the other end of the spectrum.

Example 2:
You’re the solo pastor of a struggling 50-member church in the Midwest. Your members are mostly long-time residents in a small town that is struggling to stay alive in these tough times. You have the opportunity to form a vision statement for the entire church, from which small groups will be one vehicle. How about?

To influence and equip members of ABC Church to live lives that will make a positive impact on the community of Smallville, bringing the light and hope of Jesus Christ into the homes, schools, businesses, and neighborhoods.

In this scenario you’ll probably have fewer small groups—maybe only three or four to begin with. Perhaps your vision for small groups would be:

To encourage every adult at ABC Church to actively participate in a small group in order to build effective community with one another and to learn how to positively impact their various spheres of influence for the gospel.

These groups may be more generally focused but the emphasis will be on 1) building community and 2) developing the skills and confidence to live effective lives among unbelievers.

I’d love to see what you come up with. Feel free to post your vision in the comment area or email me with your scenario and vision. Let’s share the wealth. Now go be intentional!

Apr

17

Vision, Vision, Vision — Part 4

April 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment

the Power of VisionWe’ve been studying how to develop an effective vision statement for a small group ministry. Let’s look at some examples to help you create your own.

Example 1:
Let’s say you’re the small groups pastor of an urban church of 1,000 members. Your church has a good socio-economic cross section of the community as a whole. Your church’s overall vision is to be missional and impact the unchurched in the city. What would be a good small group vision? How about:

To equip members of XYZ church to positively impact their workplaces and neighborhoods through strengthening marriages and families, impacting employer/employee relationships, and effectively sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.

Notice the formula and you can create your own.

To [verb] [who] [to do or become or accomplish what] [through or by what means].

From this vision statement, you can determine with your leaders, what kinds of groups will best accomplish this vision. Perhaps you’ll need some groups focused on marriage and others focused on parenting various age groups. You may need to train some group leaders to lead seeker groups in their neighborhoods and workplaces. As you challenge your leaders and encourage them to pick an area that excites them, you’ll find them buying into training. As you celebrate successes, you’ll build enthusiasm.

Apr

16

Vision, Vision, Vision — Part 3

April 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment

the Power of VisionSo how do we reconcile the member-directed and the God-directed vision? In Part 1, I said that vision needs to be member-directed, meeting the real and felt needs of real people. The real people in your congregation. How does that work?

Well, let’s assume the God knows the people in your congregation, and that He knows their real and felt needs. Ask him to show you clearly what those are. Where are your people hurting? What are the obstacles to their becoming the people God created them to be? If you understand their needs, then it will be easier to see God’s plan for meeting those needs. For example:

Are your members urban professionals trying to balance home and work—and too often failing?

Are your members single (or married) and dealing with purity issues?

Does it take two or more incomes to survive in your area? What’s left over for spiritual growth?

Are your members isolated by distance, economics, geography or other barriers?

If you know your congregation, you can begin developing at least a draft vision for the small group ministry so that those leaders are all moving in the same direction.

Tomorrow we’ll look at some sample vision statements.

Apr

15

Vision, Vision, Vision — Part 2

April 15, 2008 | 2 Comments

the Power of VisionYesterday we introduced the need for vision. So what is vision? George Barna in his classic book The Power of Vision: How You Can Capture and Apply God’s Vision for Your Ministry says, “Vision for ministry is a clear mental image of a preferable future imparted by God to His chosen servants and is based upon an accurate understanding of God, self, and circumstances.” He adds, “Vision for ministry is a reflection of what God wants to accomplish through you to build His kingdom.”

Ideally, your church has a vision and you can (and should) piggyback on that. The last thing the church needs is for small groups to be going east and children’s ministries to be going west. Every ministry of the church must fall under the vision of the church. If your church has one, that’s your starting point. If not, you need to have a conversation with your senior pastor and see if he’s open to working with the governing body to develop one.

But while you’re waiting, or if you end up doing this on your own, let’s look at the elements of vision and break that definition down into bite-sized pieces. (These are all discussed in more detail in his book.)

A clear mental image: Vision is a clear picture of the way things could or should be. You need to live with it long enough that you can literally see it in your mind’s eye.

A preferable future: Vision always entails change. It’s never about maintaining the status quo. You need to clearly see the changes that God wants in the future of your ministry. Why is that future better than the present? How will it honor God and serve your members more than what you’re doing now?

Imparted by God: Vision for ministry is a reflection of what God wants to accomplish through you to build His kingdom in your little corner of the earth. Avoid the trap of using business strategies to develop your vision. God’s plan may surprise you.

To His chosen servants: If God has chosen you to lead a ministry, then He’s chosen you to be the creator and communicator of the vision. You may need the gifts of others as you develop the vision and lead, but He wants to work through you, not someone else.

Based upon an accurate understanding of God, self, and circumstances: Barna says, “Vision reflects a realist perspective. Vision is not dreaming the impossible dream, but dreaming the most possible dream.” We can’t call be Rick Warren or Bill Hybels. That’s probably not God’s purpose for you anyway. Who are you? What are your gifts? Chances are, those are part of why He placed you in this church at this time. Those factors will play into the vision you develop. A good vision will stretch you, but is never intended to break you.

Tomorrow we’ll look at reconciling the vision of God with our members.

Apr

14

Vision, Vision, Vision — Part 1

April 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment

I spoke with a small group pastor the other day. He was frustrated that his leaders seemed to be all over the place in terms of skills, interests, and direction. He’s tried to conduct training sessions, but gets a less than 20% turnout. In his frustration, he’s beginning to demand participation in leadership events. What he’s getting instead is rebellion.

What’s going on here? Perhaps many things, but when I asked him about his vision for small groups in his church, he looked confused. It seems that they have small groups because… small groups are good. Effective churches have them…. People need small groups…

OK, but what’s the vision? Why should people give up a Wednesday night to attend a small group? What might a member hope to gain at the end of the year? How will the groups at this church help the members become better men and women, husbands and wives, community members, employees?

Notice that these questions are member-directed. They’re focused on the members and the outcomes in their lives. We must never do groups primarily to benefit the church for the simple reason that most people aren’t that altruistic. The reality is that people today are self-centered. They have needs and they expect the church to fill them. No, that’s not the ideal, but it’s reality. So, work with them. What are the felt needs of the members of your church? What will be of such incredible benefit to them that they will be willing to give up watching Lost to attend? Now, what are the real, underlying needs that those felt needs are a symptom of? Those are what need to frame your vision.

So a felt need might be, “I’m stuck in a dead end job and I hate it.” The real need might be to understand his identity in Christ and how even the most menial jobs offer opportunities for living out that identity.

A felt need might be, “My marriage is falling apart.” The real need may be to learn and practice strategies for obeying God’s image of marriage, even in the midst of disappointment and frustration.

Tomorrow we’ll discuss how a vision can help you develop groups to meet these real and felt needs.